Smoke comes before a Fire

As I learn more about how God speaks to me and specifically how He is growing a gift of prophecy in me, I am fascinated.

The way the specific pictures (visions, whatever) that I get are really just a slight twist on reality.  It feels like a day dream, but way more vivid.  Like I can actually see it... not just imagine it.

Yesterday this happened to me and was the first in awhile.  I was just sitting on the couch watching TV when to my left I "saw" smoke.  The kind of smoke that comes when there is a large fire.  I knew this was from God due to my immediate reaction.  The thought that popped in my head was, "I think that when I withhold speaking truth it is like not telling someone I see smoke and there is a fire."

Upon thinking through it today, there is some truth I am keeping inside.  The kind that could prevent a fire from happening.  Kind of crazy.

Filled to be Emptied

Thinking back on this week, it has been a true testament to how good God is.  He has brought me to a whole new level of growth and experiencing the Kingdom in this way had led me to feel overflowing amounts of joy.  

However, as I sit here now I feel exhausted... and drained.  I don't want to talk or even move, but just lay here.  I started thinking back on my week and how I truly experienced God in ways I never had before.  So why do I feel like this?  

The lyrics from "Desert Song" by Hillsong popped into my mind.  The words go "I know I'm filled to be emptied again."  At the beginning of my week I was all filled up and ready to go.  As the week went on God presented ways for me to use my gifts and serve those around me.  Really to be His hands and feet.  Now I feel empty... and it is time to refill.... so I can be emptied and repeat.

I like it.

Speak

I was convicted the other night by a good friend with a statement she made.  She was explaining how God could directly speak to us, like burning bush style, if He wanted to of course.  After all, He is God so who is gonna argue that?  She went on to say He would rather speak through us and give us the encouragement for one another.  The problem is when we have this gift from God for someone else and we don't say it, we cause others pain.

Never before had I realized that when I chicken out and don't say something to people, it could be exactly what they need.  By not speaking my mind, I am do the very last thing that person needs which is pain.

It made me think of the pain the Israelites must have felt while waiting for Jesus.  I hate having to wait a minute for an answered prayer, but they waited a long, long, long time.  What if the prophets who told of Jesus' coming had decided they didn't want to be seen as crazy?  What if like me they didn't want to be wrong?  By withholding the very words that God himself had given them, they would be causing others pain.  I cannot imagine waiting for the Messiah like they did, but I know if I were them I would be clinging to God's Word for dear life.

We need to be bold and speak the words that are given to us.

We are Known

Last night at my bible study we talked about the Spirit.  Our discussion was mainly about certain situations we hear the Spirit most clearly and how we know when the Spirit is telling us something.  I woke up thinking about this because last night I did not have much of an answer to either of these questions.

This thought really only lasted about 5 seconds before I slipped into thinking about all the things burdening me.  Yesterday I read 2 Corinthians 3:17 where it says "Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom."  I was suddenly struck by the fact that I don't feel free... not at all.  I feel like I am carrying the burden of every area of my life and it is draining.  I spend so much time trying to "fix" myself so everything can work out the way "it is supposed to", that I leave no room for the Spirit and like the verse says that's where freedom is.  Spirit=freedom.  

So going back to my morning melt down, in the midst of me pouring out my heart telling God all the things weighing me down, I heard in response a simple "I know".  That was all I needed.  What I had been longing for is that response from someone telling me they completely understand my feelings and my hurt.  Here all along I forgot my Father knows.  He knows it all!  He comprehends the mind games that go on in my brain everyday, He knows my insecurities, and He understands the pain life causes me.  

The Spirit saying those two words to me set me free.  When I am in the darkest places, that is when I can hear the Spirit most clearly.  Just as C.S. Lewis said "God whispers in our pleasures, but shouts in our pain.”  I have found in my suffering that is where I feel my Father most near.

The Relief of Grace

It seems to happen to me on a pretty regular basis that I wake up in the morning and my first thought goes something like, "If I could just run away and not deal with today, I would love it." When I look deeper into why this seems to be a trend, it makes sense. How I define myself so often lies in how I perceive others think of me that it turns into an evil game of reaching the standard of perfection. Then when I don't reach it, I failed.

Why would I want to deal with the issues of what the day may bring when I never reach my perfection standard? This just translates to me failing at everything throughout the whole day! There is no joy or peace in that.

Today happens to be a really bad case of feeling sorry for my failing self. One of those days where you replay every situation that proves you failed. I was scrolling through my News Feed on Facebook and there was the solution. I have heard the song "You are More" by Tenth Avenue North plenty of times, but it felt so different this time. Often my definition of being a new creation is that all the "huge" screw ups I had before knowing Jesus don't define me. I forget that the sin that I commit now STILL does not. Like it says in the song the choices, mistakes, and problems that happen, do not define me.

God's grace is sufficient for all of this.

This means I have the freedom to take risks and fail. Also that I can be who God created me to be without fear someone won't accept me. Failing and rejection say nothing about who I am because Jesus settled that one for me and He tells me who I am.

At the beginning of every day there is grace abounding.